She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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