Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
