Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Still dying that you shit outside
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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