I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
