It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How naked do you want me to be?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
