She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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