plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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