careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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