I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
