Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
