There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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