JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
