But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
