Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
