would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
