his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
