She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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