she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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