Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
