You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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