Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
