We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
