I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
