I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
