Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
