I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
high people should be assigned attendants
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
