Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
