Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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