What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
