I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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