I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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