My sheets look like a crime scene.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
