I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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