i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
