Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
