sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
should my penis look like a turkey
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
