What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
