yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
