I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
