We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
