not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
