need another drink. this is the easiest way
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
