Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
