I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wish there were birth control emojis
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
