im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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