Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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