I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
