I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
