My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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