She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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