it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
