and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
