I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
