you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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