I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
