Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
