just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
