wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
