my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
