I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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