Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
