Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
