My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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