I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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