My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
