what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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